Dad's History Album

Vignettes of Virginia

2009-08-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

GINI THE ULTIMATE CARING LOVING EMERGENCY NURSE

Gini was not famous but she was a unique person. I know that most write glowing things about their departed loved ones. But she was unique. Not that it matters much for even now the memory of her fades and it isnt even 5 years. I am so glad I wrote down some memories 2-3 years ago or I wouldnt be able to write these. Someone might just enjoy knowing some of the uniqness of her person. If not well, I will enjoy writing for my own sake.

These items have no chronology. One day I just sat down and wrote notes about her. So each item is complete of itself. And altogether it will show how unique she was. It can be said of her that there will never be another Gini. Her sister and brother although they carry many of the same genes are not like her at all. How blessed and priviledged was I to have her to love and also how fortunate my children to have her as a mother.

She was a natural as an emergeny nurse. She loved it and often said she wouldn't have worked anywhere else in the hospital. She thrived on taking over ina time of crisis. She told me ofan incident when she was in nurses training. Something she was doing caused her to breakdown. The director of the school told her she just didn't have the steel to be a nurse. Gini who was planning on being a missionary nurse asked for another chance. Gini decided then and there no matter how she felt inside no one would see her

sweat. That prepared her to be a special emergency nurse.

But she wasn't cocky and always avoided the limelight, but also wanted to be a part of the action. She was actually shy in front of an audience, especially when she was to sing a solo. Many would look at her play the piano effortlessly. But only I knew that she was still the shy girl and I would notice her dress shake as she sat at the piano or organ, but her expression was one of nonchelance. She looked around as she played so effortlessly. She played with gusto on the piano. Her dad heard her practicing one day and came in and said.... play with some feeling and passion. Gini often said she played a piano more like a man than a woman because of her dad.

She was a city girl but she was trained by her father who had grown up on a

South Dakota farm at Sumitt SD. When her parents build a cabin on the North shore of Superior she helped her dad haul rock to make a fireplace etc etc. She was then a bit of a tom boy. After we were engaged I brought her out to the farm for the opening of pheasant season. Lots of cousins etc were there. All the wives were in the house talking about ladies things. But Gini said she wanted to go with the hunters to do some target clay pigeon shooting. After we shot for a while she wanted to try a shot and she blasted the clay pigeon on the first shot. My dad who had been cool to Gini because she was "taking his son from the farm" exclaimed "By Gul she can even shoot a gun." It broke the logjam and when we went hunting Gini walked the cornfields next him. At one point Gini stepped in some mud and got her feet wet. My dad took her in to nearby Danube and bought her some new anklets. Later Gini was changing clothes upstairs at the farm house and somehow got the key in door and it broke off and she couldnt get out. She sent word down to me and my dad then took over and pryed the door open. the pry marks are still there to this day.

Gini was remembered as someone who never played favorites or was clickish. As her friend said.... she was the same to everyone. We had a neighbor lady near the farm that was in some ways a little crude etc. Gini took her in and she would come over just to talk to Gini but felt the others didnt have time for her

Sandy Fuhr who is now also in glory at the time of Gini's departure who and expressed her thoughts about Gini. She wrote in March 2005 not long after Gini passed.

"Gini was really a reasissance woman. She did it all. She made a home not for her family where ever she was, but she invited in the whole neighborhood, whether it was in Viet Nam or Renville County. I think I met her for the first time in the bookstoreas a not very seasoned Christian. She was warm, excited about introducing people to good Christian thinkers and writers, but mostly she seemed to always have time to listen to the heartaches of her customers. She was a believer in the deepest, most loyal parts of her inner being, she trusted God. Steadfast, such a formal word and she wasn't especially formal, she loved to laugh and have fun. Gini was a called out one and I think the nursing was another manifestation of a vocational response to serving peoples need. Her music mad us cry so many times over the years, because her heart infiltrated the music and it touched the deep places in us. Darrell was one of the lucky ones and he literally spent thousands of hours playing hymns and choruses with Gini praising God. He loved harmonizing with her beautiful alto voice. None of the roles whe had were very easy, but she never made anything look hard. She was the most beautiful testimoney of a very loving, supportive wife and mother, and yes she was so much more. The legacy will be in the poeple she touched. For you, her family these are shocking, devasting days. No one was ready or expecting her to leave so soon. But she built strength and heart into each one of you. You are more than you can even imagine right now. She's with the One she loved so much and she's helping Him get our places prepared. Love Sandy and Darrell."

(Well Sandy left for glory and no one was prepared or expecting her to leave so soon.... your with Gini now too). Just recently I was with crystal Dahmes who was in our church. They lost their son in a accident. Gini's life came up.... she said...."I have never met anyone like her." Well crystal there are many more who agree with you....

Gini didnt worry about money. She bought good stuff but always kept us in the black. She told how one time she went shopping with her mother and her mother said here this looks cute on you.... but only after checking the price tag. But her dad would take her shopping and pick out the best dress and never look at the price tag.

She was game to try anything. When I had my neck operation I could not mow the lawn. We had a large lawn and the mower which was a rider would cut but it would not move forward. So Gini said ok kids dad will steer and we will push the riding mower.... That was vintage Gini. When we first came to the farm, Gini and I would pick some of my dads old hand tools and just make some repairs and remodeling. We did it together with great joy.

Gini could be down right heroic. During our stay in VN I was gone to Saigon. When I returned to Danang the town was locked down in martial law. While I was gone there were riots. One day driving to grocery story she happened upon someone who had been hanged by barbed wire. During the riots the rioters came to the french school where Heidi was in school. Gini just walked right through the demonstrators and got Heidi and returned home.

In Viet Nam she could meet a five star general like Marine general Walt and not blink and eye and offer small talk and quips. During the time VN was falling and there was a breakdown of law and order she never blinked. In my career there were sometimes that I came under fire. Her strength made it known that if anyone was to get to me they had to come through

her. This she did without any fan fare, just naturally she rose to any occasion. While we were in VN Bob hope brought a new years show to the troops in Danang. She was called backstage to help the visiting starlets get dressed and ready. She help sooth the nerves of Miss World, and Janice Paige. To her they were just people who she could help and calm down.

Spiritually she grew up in Simpson Memorial CMA church near university and snelling in the Midway district of St. Paul. She tells about how she used to blow peas unto the stage for the visiting speakers. But the speaker said "if Jesus were to come tonight I would be ready. That got her attention. Sometime in the quiet of the night she would fear the Lord had come and she was left behind. So she would go into her sisters room. Sharon was there but Gini thot maybe she had gone and her body was left. So she would pinch her and when Sharon cried she knew the Lord had not come yet. So she repented and received the Lord. This was when she was about 9-10. She sang with two other girls and they were called the 3 half notes. They needed to stand on a riser to reach the mike. One time they were singing at church and they started to get the giggles. Gini said just think about your grandfathers funeral... And then they burst into laughter and had to run off the stage. Her parents werent to happy about this. She loved to play the organ. She was priviledged to be an organ student of the most famous organist in the twin cities. His name was Theodore Bergman. He actually came to our wedding. After I came to St. Paul Bible College, she would go into the chapel and play the organ just for me. It was a deeply spiritual experience.

She could hear from the Lord. When VN was falling I had gone to Saigon for a field committee meeting. At the meeting we were deciding to leave the country and sending some families home and others to phillipines etc. etc. It was at this meeting that a decision was made for our family to go to Australia and I would teach in the seminary in Canberra. So when I got home and I was walking down the path to our house she came out to meet me and I said.... Guess where we will be going??? She nonchalantly said Oh! we are going to Australia. Then later when thinking about moving to australia she felt led to pray for a 4 bedroom house. I thought that was a bit presumptious. But guess what when we got there they had rented a house with 4 bedrooms.... Another time we were in Nhatrang and a misionary was buying a van for us in Saigon. Gini prayed... "OH! by the way Lord make it a green one. Guess what it was green.

Her heroism and special character was part of the last hours of her life. When she started getting TIA's in her left hand she knew this could lead to a stroke. Because of this she saw Dr. Medrud in Redwood Falls. He also noted that her blood pressure was elevated. When you have TIA's it points to a possible stroke. But there are two kinds of strokes very different. One is a blockage in a bloodvessel in the brain. In this event they need to thin the blood. But TIA symptoms could point to a different stroke which is a "bleeder"... That is blood a hemorage in the brain. The ratio is 70 -40 that it will be a blockage in the brain. The Dr. went with the averages and gave her a very strong blood thinner. (He could have ordered a simple brain scan) It turned out that a blood thinner was just the wrong thing because Gini had a "bleeder"

I never thought of it at the time and I am sure she didnt either, but when we were going together at Bible College she had problems with her blood not clotting. She and Louise Anderson a friend who was a nurse had discussed these two posibilities. So when the Dr. came back on that fateful sunday morning and called out the words. "Its a bleeder" Gini knew how serious it was. While I was calling Heidi Blair Anderson prayed with her and asked her if she was willing to be healed or to go to the Lord. She calmly said I am ready for either. As told elsewhere when she was about to be placed in the ambulance.... HER CONCERN was not for herself but for me. She said to Louise "I am so concerned for Orrel, Take care of him because he is so soft harded" So her personality of confidence was with her till she passed over. One in 10,000 will ever be like Gini .... How could God make such a wonderful person like Gini and then I had the priviledge of being with her for 47 years.. She never exuded superiority because she never felt superior. Just pleasantly and joyfully confident.

"I died with her - though I still live in the flesh. Now its like two paralell universes. The old universe seems so real and the new one so strange and odd. As the old world tends to fade. It makes me so sad. These two universes are now sometimes in conflict. Or better yet I slip into an almost altered state and I return to the old reality and JUST BE WITH HER. If I could enter a time warp and go back I would in it in a heart beat.....

2009-01-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

Is it worth it???

I have been filling a file with all kinds of rememberances of Gini..... But just when I am about to start I begin to wonder if it is worth it. It will be good for me and hard at the same time. But will anyone ever read it or care about it. Mom Carlson had years of diaries and right now I dont even know for sure where they are. Sharon and Dave arent crying for them. I have in the trunk out at the farm some few years of diaries from time in Viet Nam. But I doubt if anyone will ever read them. It is just the way it is. I am different. If I only knew more about my parents and grandparents. Thats why I wrote Suland. But who but me cares about the past. the past is over. Everyone is so on the treadmill of the present. So people disappear from their full and interesting lives and it just slips into a black hole without anyone even caring.

So I may start on Gini history and things she did and what she thought etc.... Just maybe one -of children or grandchildren daughter in laws grandaughter in laws will get the motivation.

Like Roger 'Steinkamp's wife lucy, of french exactraction got into it and produccd the Steinkmap geneology and history. It is in the chest in the bedroom at the farm. Also a man I met once who is a Nash did the same for the the Nash ancestory. It also is in that chest...

Just how I feel

2009-01-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

Well! Its news year day 2009. I Cant really believe I am still around. Ever since Gini left I just kind of go on from day to day. Emotionally I am closed in what ever that means. I want to say how much I love Geo. She is the perfect companion for me. She doesnt have a manipulative bone in her body. She is just wonderful. I am sure the Lord guided me to her. But I still sort of go around in a emotiojnal fog. When Gini and I were together I (we) didnt really care what was going on for we were a union. The feeling of confidence, happiness was so great. Let the world go on, we were totally content.... Now I miss that feeling. I am getting more and more to feel that way with Geo. But deep down I feel untethered and adrift. What I do or dont do doesnt matter. Gini faced death so wonderfully. She was the most unusual wonderful person. How could God so direct my life that she and I would find each other. Not many months before she so quickly left, I remember holding her in bed and she said you know we know a lot of marriages, but the ones I know about, Just don't have what we have..... We are so luckly....... I never thought that in a short time that would be gone, and this union would be ripped apart.

One of the hard things is that after she left I so needed my children. And they came to my rescue. I lived with Heidi and Tom for 4 months. Then Joel and Mia came to the farm. At the time I thought it would be forever. That was Joel's intention I know. But they were with me at the farm for two years. But then I married and I am sure they (the kids) thought that now Dad is taken care of. Now were can just get on with our lives. Indeed they have their families. Gini and I didnt have a lot of communication with our kids. Months would go by and when Joel was on the phone from Dalat, it would be a huge surprise to hear his voice. So also with Karl. And we didnt hear much very often from Heidi. One time I told Gini that its been 5 weeks or so and not a phone call. I told her I am going to call Heidi and tell her. Mom didnt want me to. Then one day Heidi called and said that she was coming for the afternoon. She came and stayed late and she and mom had a WONDERFUL time together. This was only about a week before Gini died..... But Gini and I were complete in ourselves that we just were happy in ourselves. BUT now it is different....... I still need my kids. As much as Geo and I are a great union.... somehow I need to have a lot of contact with my old family through my kids. But they are in a tight orbid around themselves.... That is is how it should be.... But I feel like I am just lost. Without Geo I would either take my life or become a hermit at the farm.

ENUF for these ramblings.

2008-09-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

How can I say this?

When Gini left I left too. Nothing is the same. Nothing matters. There is nothing I want to do. When sh left my ministry seemed to leave too. Once or twice a year I fill in somewhere. So this world means nothing me. As Luther said " let life and kindred go and this life also. I never could say with Paul I desire to leave. But unless I misread myself, I now can say it. This life was and is a vapor. Let eternity swallow this mess here.

2008-04-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

What a smile.....

2008-03-31T19:43:00.001-07:00

This was the Spring Banquet at SPBC and Gini was my date.

2008-03-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

Taken at Fort Snelling, spring that I went to St. Paul Bible College. Paul Frederick is with me. He became my best man.

2008-03-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

Got a deer, fall before going to St. Paul Bible College

2008-03-31T19:40:00.001-07:00

First day of school, ready to catch the bus

2008-03-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

2008-03-31T19:39:00.002-07:00

2008-03-31T19:39:00.001-07:00

2008-03-31T19:39:00.000-07:00

2008-03-31T19:38:00.001-07:00

2008-03-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

2008-03-31T19:37:00.001-07:00

Guess Who?

2008-03-31T19:36:00.002-07:00

2008-03-31T19:36:00.001-07:00

2008-03-31T19:36:00.000-07:00

Nurse Gini makes the St. paul Pioneer Press

2008-03-31T19:33:00.001-07:00

2008-03-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

2008-03-31T19:32:00.001-07:00

2008-03-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

2008-03-31T19:31:00.001-07:00

2008-03-31T19:31:00.000-07:00

Gini Carlson Steinkamp

2008-03-31T19:29:00.001-07:00

Orrel Nash Steinkamp

2008-03-31T19:29:00.000-07:00

2008-03-31T19:27:00.000-07:00

Pearl Mae (Harrington) Duerr

2008-03-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

Helen Mae Duerr

2008-03-31T19:25:00.000-07:00

Leonard Merle Carlson

2008-03-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

Leonard Carlson Gini's dad.

2008-03-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

A very nice picture of my mother Estella.

2008-03-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

This is my Dad and I taken on the backside of the house. One summer when Heidi was about a year old we came out from St. Paul and I painted the house. It took about a week.

2008-03-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

This is Heidi with her Grandma Steinkamp on the celebration of my parents 40th wedding aniversary.

2008-03-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

This is my mother Estella and aunt Edith. Edith was the mother of Roland Steinkmap my cousin. I can see from the background that it was taken in St. Paul. After my father died my mother Estella moved into an apartment acrosss the street from Carrol and Glen.

2008-03-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

This is such a typical picture of my Dad Walter standing by the heater in the house in the winter. You can look into the living room to see what the house was like then.

2008-03-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

This picture is my mom Estella with the deer I shot in the Minnesota River Bottom. This was the fall before I left the farm after Christmas for St. Paul Bible College. I went second semester in mid January.

2008-03-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

This was taken at a 40th wedding anniversary celebration at the Middle Creek Church.

2008-03-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

This is a formal photo of Meldrick and Anna (monson) Nash the parents of Estella.

2008-03-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

This is the only formal picture by a photographer of my parents since the marriage photo. Dad just never wanted to have his picture taken.

2008-03-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

This is my dad Walter holding Heidi.

2008-03-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

This to me is such a precious picture. It is so typical of Dad in his last years to go pick the eggs. Heidi is responding to him and Gini's silloette is in the background.

2008-03-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

This is such a typical picture of my mom and dad. Mom always had morning glories. The ford car in the garage was the car mom and dad loaned to Gini and I for our honeymoon out west.

2008-03-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

My Mom Estella in her kitchen. Most of her life on the farm she didnt have kitchen cabinets. But in the very last years my dad had a carpenter come in and build her some cabinets. She was so pleased with that.

2008-03-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

This is my Dad Walter standing in front of the garage..... the one that got blown away in the tornado in 94.

2008-03-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

This is a drawing of Ransom Nash, the father of Meldrick Nash, my great grandfather. He was born in Maine in 1818. In November 24 1840 he married Anna Springer. Anna Springer also born in 1816 in the Columbia Falls area of Maine. They came west and settled in the area just west of Green Lake (Indian Beach) Minnesota. Ransom died July 1881 and Anna died February 26, 1879. They are both buried in cemetery near the west end of Green Lake.

2008-03-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

This is Anna Maria (Decker) Koester. born april 19, 1823 in Focter Kirschspiel Bellem Germany. She died July 3, 1905 in Sterling township
S.D. near Brookings SD. She is buried in Sterling township SD

2008-03-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

This Herman Koester the father of Louisa Koester Steinkamp. He and his wife lived in Northfield and should be buried at the prairiee view cemetery south of Northfield.

2008-03-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is Herman Koester Walter's grandfather on his mothers side..... This is Louisa Father.

2008-03-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Estella (Nash) Steinkamp

2008-03-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

My mom Estella at some point probably in the late 40"s

2008-03-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

My mom and I in front of the 1940 Chevy.

2008-03-29T09:34:00.001-07:00

Another picture taken in California in 1940

2008-03-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

This out in our front yard at the time. I guess I might have been 11?

2008-03-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

This Dad and I and as I recall it was during our trip to California in 1940

2008-03-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is picture of the old corn crib on the farm. This was after its useful days. I remember shovelling picked cob corn into this crib.

2008-03-29T08:55:00.001-07:00

This is at harvest time. My father Walter and another man are scooping the grain into the elevator. The elevator is powered by a gas engine with a flywheel.

2008-03-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

This is picture cutting grain. My dad and a hired man, probably August Mack are working with the binder mechanism and I am sitting on the seat of the F 20 Farmall. Notice the steel wheels.

2008-03-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

This is picture looking out the front gate and is how I remember the farm when I was growing up.

2008-03-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

My mother Estella in a picture taken during a visit to Sacromento Californian in 1940.

2008-03-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

My family picture taken when I must have been 9-10

2008-03-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of the farm house, the Fred and Louisa homestead south of Renville.

2008-03-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

This a photo taken on the farm in Renville area. Apparently her sister and husband came for a visit and they posed for a mock wedding picture. Probably in 1921-23?

2008-03-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

This is an official Walter and Estella Wedding photo. They were married in Minot ND October 5, 1921 by a Judge named Murray. They stayed in a hotel and mom talked about snow flurries. They then went to the Kemare area to stay a few days with his sister Annie married to Olaf Christianson. While there Walter was very sick. So the relatives teased Estella about being hard on Walter.

2008-03-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

Estella Nash taken I believe in Sacromento California areas when whe was about 20?

2008-03-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Estella dressed up and I suppose about 17 or 18?

2008-03-29T08:39:00.001-07:00

This another picture of the Meldrick and Anna Nash family. Meldrick and Anna are on the far right and Estella is on the far
left.

2008-03-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

This a picture of the Meldrick and Anna Nash family at their farm place about 10 miles south of Kenmare North Dakota. Estella is in the front row fourth in from the left.

2008-03-29T08:35:00.001-07:00

Estella during her teens.

2008-03-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of Estella Nash, my mother. I estimate she is about 12-13. It would have been taken on their farm south of Kenmare North Dakota.

2008-03-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

This a picture of Meldrick and Anna Nash with their youngest child Estella my mother. The picture was taken in and around Willmar Minn. before the whole family left for Kenmare North Dakota. The lived on a homestead just west of Indian Beach Green Lake Minn.

2008-03-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

This a picture of Walter on a wagon in front of the first barn which stood where the second barn was was. I estimate it was taken 1905?

2008-03-29T08:25:00.000-07:00

This is Walter Steinkamp, a picture taken at the time of his fathers death in 1914

2008-03-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

This is just a cropped close up of the picture with his cousin

2008-03-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is a picture with Walter on the right. He is pictured with one of his cousins, it being probably Earl Jahn Walter's sister Sarah's son.

2008-03-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of Walter Steinkamp. One can only guess how old her was when this was taken.

2008-03-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

This one of only two photos that exist of a frontier store that was located one half mile north and one fourth mile west of the Steinkamp farmplace. It was called the Florita store. There is a historical marker located there. It has picture on the granite taken from this photo. There are historical details of this store in my writing called Suland.

just at a loss, not knowing what to say

2008-03-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well it is late at night. Its over three years since Gini left.... She seems to be so distasnt. But times like this come usually at night. Some how my mind drifts back to the day and the night when so suddenly she just died. This is no reflection on Georgiann. She is so wonderful. I love her so much. She is just the companion I need. I literally live to try and make her happy. But when nights like this jump back at me, I just can't believe Gini really died.... It just happened too quick. People like Gini dont die. She was so unique. She was so much a person like none other. I get this feeling like where is she why is she gone. How can the world go on without her? How can I keep on living. We went through so much together.... a lifetime and now its just over. How can something like just all of a sudden stop. I relied on her. She was the basis of my living. We could go to any country, meet all new people and it didnt matter because she was there. She was like a living foundation to me. Now she is gone and I know she is in heaven, thats a given and somehow we will have new bodies when the ressurection is finalized. I do believe I will see her and know her in the new body and it will be forever..... eternity age without end. BUT we cant be husband and wife..... Oh! what a disappointment..... But that is over. The new is supposed to be so much better.... But from this vantage point.... how can it be better if we are just like brother and sister??? But when I slip into these times its frightning. Its like why go on living without her... But you still have to go on living. Oh at a time like this I wish I could just fall asleep and say goodbye to this life..... Its mostly over anyway.... Gini faced death so bravely. I believe when she asked me in her last words to me just before they carried her on a stretcher to the back of the ambulence and she said to me: " How are you handling this? My answer was well how should I be handling it.... She replied.... Oh everything is going to be alright..... But I know now she really did know that she was going..... She knew to tell Louise Anderson just before they put her into the back of the ambulence...."I worry about Orrel... He is so soft hearted.... Take care of him....
Wow how can I go on living with this in my brain and just popping up from time to time..... I wish I could just stop living...... but there is no place to run I just have to go on living....

I know at first the kids would check in on this blog for anything new..... But I am quite sure they never look at it anymore. So maybe someday they will read it after I am finished up here below.
I wonder if they ever feel like I do.... She was my wife and thats a special relationship... But she was their mother. They are so busy I am sure they never have these kind of breakdowns. In fact I dont think ever did. I used to ask them..... dont you ever feel like I do? I never see it or hear it.
People tell me they had these breaki downs but kept a strong stance so as not to cause me sorrow. But I wish IF they had breakdowns of grief they would have shared it, not hidden it from me because I tend to feel they never really had any grief at least not anything like mine..... Its seems like only me that has these feelings and it makes me FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS WORLD

I want to complete whatever is left of God's plan for me.... I dont want to miss any of it.... But I cant imagine what is still left for me.... I look over my life and I cant see much that I contribruted to the Kingdom.... I was kind of a free loader.... So other than there is a hestitance to face death....other than that why cant it just be over..... I know I want to make Georgiann loved because I do love her very much. The longer I am with her she becomes more precious to me. She loves me so much and I want to love her and make her happy. Oh I hope there is no disappointment by my kids that I remarried. I feel sometimes they think I betrayed their mother. Well.... I just couldnt be alone..... And thats not the only reason I married Georgiann. I found I loved her and wanted to live with her. Its kind of amazing to think that she will be the one goes with me right up to the valley of death. She will do such a good job. Of course I thot and planned that Gini would be with to my last. Who would have ever thot she would leave first. Her grandmother lived to 99 and her mother lived to 97. We always talked about how she outlive me. But in a few hours on a sunday she was gone...... never to be near me in this life the only life we know anything really about. So if I disappointed you guys by remarriage... Please think kindly of me. I understand how you would feel. I couldnt believe I was getting married either. Of course things could never be as it was with mom and I and you all..... I could never expect that. Please dont feel like I somehow lost my love for Gini when I married Georgiann.... I told Geo that if she married me my heart would always be full of Gini but she could have a place in my heart as well. But never has mom been forgotten......I want to keep her memory alive more and more. Thats why I do things to help that. I put on my inital golden ring tht Gini gave me and I will never take it off as long as I live. It was a gift from her and it reminds me daily hourly of her preciousness to me... Well its getting late... and this life must go on... I have cried enough for quite some time.....

What I know of Gini"s life before we met

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Gini was the second child born to Hellen and Leonard Carlson, Bruce being her older brother and Sharon her younger sister. The earliest things I can recall Gini told me was that she had lots of neighborhood friends living near her home on Pusey St. in St. Paul. She grew in a time when kids could play together in a neighborhood without much supervision. Her father was a painter and he painted with his brother Sidney. Maybe here is a good place to give a little history of Leonard and Hellen. Leonard grew up in Sumitt SD. His father Conrad had immigrated from Sweden and homesteaded land. Conrads wife Anna had migrated from Sweden and married Conrad. On this farm they raised about 6 brothers and one girl. The oldest son had gone to St.Paul Bible College for a year. I guess they decided that the ministry wasnt for them and Albin and his wife started painting for a living in St. Paul. Some years later Leonard came to the cities to paint with his older brother. Hellen was a recent graduate of SPBI but was living in the area. She was the daughter of Hubert and Pearl Duerr. Leonard and Hellen met at Simpson Memorial Church which was located then right next to the bible college. They fell in love and were married. For the first years they lived in an apartment building just south of Simpson Church. They were the caretakers of the apartment block. So this is where Gini and older brother Bruce lived the very first years. At some point the moved to their house on Pusy St. Early on Gini was very musical . She and Barb Nelson and Laura Martins began to sing as a trio they called the half notes. They were so small the had to have stools to reach the mikes. They were so good they sang at the Gospel mission and on KTIS. Gini took lessons from a famous piano teacher called Olga Olson. This formed the early piano talent Gini had at the piano. She attended the then called Wilson High.Music was her main interest and played the sax in the then famous Wilson High marching band, who always marched in the Minneapolis Aquatennial.

Back Leonard her father , he painted lots of the older houses in the midway district. His business was based on return business from satisfied customers. Leonard was a leading elder in Simpson Memorial Church.

Some time during Gini's early years she felt called to be a missionary nurse, so after High School graduation she began to study at Hamline Uni which was close by. Here she completed her two years of Nursing Prep courses. She then entered the Nursing program at Midway Hospital also close by. She lived in the nurses dorm but went to her nearby home quite often. After being capped as a RN she continued to work at Midway Hospital in the emergency dept. She loved emergency and thrived on the excitement that came to the dept. Also in about 1956 she started dating a Jim Dunlop. Gini had dated church guys through High School. But she met Jim who an educated scientist who travelled to europe etc. She said later it was stupid from the start but her friends were getting married so when Jim came along he seemed like a catch. But he was from the Reorganized Church of the Latter Day Saints.. He said he had gone forward in a Billy Graham Meeting in France. But he was a detour from her childhood calling to be a missionary. She broke up with him and in 1956 she entered SPBI. She didnt live in the dorm but lived at home nearby and continued to work part-time at Midway hospital. SPBI was famous for their Choral Club. Mr. and Mrs. Tannehill travelled the country as leaders of this singing group. The Tannehills were also family friends of Leonard and Hellen. So Gini focus at the Bible College was the Choral Club and other singing groups. In second semester of that year in January of 57 is when I finally made the break from the farm and my parents and came as a new student to SPBI. Gini and I met at the Phy-ed class held at the Midway YMCA. I actually pushed her in during some pool horse play. Gini said in her Diary "met Orrel Steinkamp today, very nice". Being a country bumpkin I had a hard time finding and getting to my classes on time. I remember that each day arriving late to Prof Tanners "History of Western Civilization" class. As I walked into class I found and empty chair next to Gini. I found out later that Gini would put her books on the desk next to her and when I walked in she removed them and what do you know it was the only open seat. We started writing notes. Then we would end up in the library and talking for hours. The school had a rule that there was to be no dating for 6 weeks for new students. So I would drive to her church in my maroon 46 Ford and simply sit near the front as Gini was the church organist. After the 6 weeks we began dating and on May 12 at 2:30 pm in my 46 ford I proposed. Actually I had made a stupid statement to the effect that if I were to give her a ring she would only give it back as she did earlier to Jim Dunlop. This I saw hurt her deeply and I quickly proposed and she accepted. Then that summer as I was working at Bitzer piano company which belonged to my brother in law Glen Schroeder (Carrol's husband) I got a ring through a whole sale house which Glenn could use..... So after work I went over to Gini's house with it. She was home alone. Her parents had already gone up to their cabin on North Shore Lake Superior. (near Castle Danger). So I came in and announced that I wanted my class ring back. She was startled and I repeated I just wanted my class ring back. Reluctantly she handed it to me in near tears and then I said "thats so you can wear this ring"..... Well her first words were "lets drive up to the North Shore and show it to her parents." We arrived at the cabin at about 2 am. She woke her mother who simply said "I was expecting that".

We both returned to Classes at SPBI in the fall and dated the whole year (57). We planned to be married on Aug 2 the date of our engagement, But it turned out that Aug 1 was available. Sometime in late July we had a bad day. Ginis bridemaids dresses arrived and were not all the same color. But her dad stepped in and worked a solution. But the same day we had a furious fight that could have called it all off. But we overcome that.

July 31 was the rehearsal dinner hosted by my mother and sister Carrol at Carrols house.
Aug 1 was the marriage at Simpson church in the afternoon 4pm. After the reception we headed out to our married life. We stayed at the Cloverleaf motel.... about the only motel in the cities at the time. We left the next morning for the farm. My parents were still the the cities, so we made dinner and watched some tv. At about 3 pm we headed west and arrived in Mitchell SD in time for a swim in the local swimming hole.

Aug. 3 we left Mitchel and drove through the badlands and arrived in Hill City SD.
Aug 4 we drove around Mt. Rushmore
Aug 5 we went to the Cherry Hill Ski lift and from the top at the ranger station we could see 5 states.
Aug 6 we left Hill City and drove hard through the Big Horn Mts and arrived at a cabin in Yellowstone.
Aug 7 we drove around Yellowstone and left for Salt Lake city. We got as far as a little town in Utah and stayed at the Rocky Mt. Motel... During the night we heard drag races right down main st...

Aug 8. On the road by 6 am. Along the way we saw a sign Motel in Salt Lake for 4.75 a night. it had a swimming pool .
Aug 9 we toured the Mormon Tab and saw the temple. At a Mormon museum I managed to get into an arugument with a guide who turned out to be a prof at Brigham YOung Uni. I held my own for I had done a study on Mormon thought and history. we spent about 3 days there.
Aug 12 WE decided to head home and forego a planned trip to CAlifornia. We went up the mts at Rocky Mt.
national park. Then on to Greely Co. for the night.
Aug 13... drove hard and arrived at the farm in the evening. we stayed with my mom and dad for about 3 days. had great fun. They took us to Kandiyohi lake and Gini had a hard time putting worms on a hook. This amused my dad. City girl and all that..

about Aug 16 we arrived at Gini's parent in St. Paul. Stayed there about a week. Jack Creese who was supposed to vacate our apt on Breda ave was late on getting out. But finally we moved in. Leonard did a lot of painting and we had our furniture which my parents had helped us with. And we started together in Breda. WE attemded classes that year and the next summer as we were awaiting Heidi's birth I was layed off by the piano store, so I had to find work. All I could find was working with Accurate Carriers who delivered circulars door to door. I was the one who coordinated these routes. Heidi would be born while we lived here. In fact we lived there until We both graduated form SPBI . Then we were assigned by the Christian Missionary Alliance to Detroit for a 6 month Missionary Internship program. We lived in an apt in Detroit (high crime area). We had an apt about a block from Central church where we were assigned to work for 6 months. This was a program of internship before going overseas as missionaries. We enjoyed the church a lot. T.E. Thompson was the pastor..... After 6 months we returned to St. Paul and lived in the basement of Gini's parents. We were delayed in going to VN. I took some bible classes at bethel and Gini's pregnancy with Jeol further delayed us.... But 3 weeks later we got on board a prop jet and headed to VN. The remainder of this story is further told in "Swanie" I believe.... Well this has been a long entry. But when your are at it you just keep on.

Gini and her mom at the cabin North Shore

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Isn't she beautiful? How could a farm boy from Renville County be so lucky. It was the Lord. Gini had had a number of male friends but before she started classes at SPBI in the fall here mom told her the Lord had assured her that someone would be coming second semester that was for her. Gini's mom never told Gini about this till just before our marriage. Yes I left the farm in early january for the second semester at SPBI......

Here we are with Heidi

2007-10-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

This is still at Breda apartments, during the school year Gini's mom took care of Heidi every morning. Then in the afternoon if Gini was working at Midway Hospital in the emergency I would watch Heidi and while she slept would do my studies. I worked during the school year some afternoons at the piano company that Carrol's husband Glen Schroeder had in minneapolis. I refinished pianos etc. When the school year was over in May Glenn decided he didnt need me anymore. So I was pushed to find a job. Well I finally found a job with Accurate Carriers. They put circulars door to door. My job was to get the workers on their route and deliver then the circulars. Most of the workers were from Washington Ave skid row, so I had my challenges.

Newly pregnant with Heidi

2007-10-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

Here you can get a look at the furniture of our Apt at Breda. Gin must be about 5/6 along making it about feb/march.

Gini posing in the Black Hills

2007-10-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

While visiting Rushmore and some of the caves with stalagtites ect, we also rode the cherry hill lift to the top of a hill where we could see five states. We also went to the Passion Play that was on, A funny thing happened. One night it started to rain. We hadnt changed our watchs, and I thought it was ten pm or later so I ran out to see if my car windows were closed and guess what I ran into a women with only my shorts on. The next morning we stopped at a resturant and noticed no one around yet and then looked at the clock and it was 5;30 am. WE didnt take many pictures or I cant find any more on our honeymoon. We headed to Yellowstone and saw the geyser old faithful and stayed a night there. Then we headed to Salt Lake City. We saw a sign on the way of motel with swimming pool for only 4.95 a night. We found it and it was nice. We swam and visited the Mormon museum etc. I got into a big discussion with a morman man at the museum about mormonism which I had done considerable reading. It turned out he was a Dr. of Mormom theology at Brigham Young. Here we changed our mind about going all the way to California. We headed home by way of Rocky Mt. Nat. park. In a few days we landed at the farm. We spent 3/4 days there. DAd took us fishing to Kandiyohi. Gini had a hard time putting worms on a hook. One night there was special . It wasnt about sex but we talked and shared our dreams for missionary work etc and wound up not sleeping all night. We returned to St. Paul to Gini's parents. Our apt at Breda street wasnt vacated yet, but in few days we moved in. Mom and Dad Steinkamp gave us money to buy furniture and in a short time we had our first home together. Actually it was just a few weeks until classes for both of us started up at St. Paul Bible College.

Trying to get a little tan

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There was a little lake near by. Gini also is pictured at this site in this blog

The great western horseman

2007-10-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

When I tried to get him in the barn I almost got knocked off. The next day we headed for the Black Hills

The beginning of our honeymoon

2007-10-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

This motel was located at the first cloverleaf in the twin cities. Today it is where 494 and 35 W intersect. This is just before we headed out toward the farm. We got there and mom and dad Steinkamp had not returned from the wedding yet. We had a cool drink and headed west. It was real hot when we crossed the Minn and SD border. We got as far a Mitchell SD. We got a motel and the owner said there was a nice place to swim a few miles away.
The owner had some horses and wanted us to ride a horse so I did.

What lucky man am I

2007-10-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

It seems like yesterday. I am going to post a number of pictures taken on our honeymoon

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Having your cake and eating it to

2007-09-20T12:19:00.000-07:00

Now follows a number of phots from the wedding that are slides rather than the formal wedding pictures

At the farm

2007-09-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

This was taken at the farm on the day the Middle Creek ladies had a bridal shower for Gini. That is Mary Schroeder next to me and then Barbara Schroeder and finally sharon Carlson.

Walter and Stella with the grandkids

2007-09-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

This was taken just before we left for VN.

A better picture of Hubert and Pearl Duerr

2007-09-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

Walt and Stell

2007-09-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

Another photo of Walter and Stella taken at the farm not long before Gini and I went to Viet Nam

Hub

2007-09-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

Another picture of Gini's grandfather Hubert Duerr

Walter and Estella Steinkamp

2007-09-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

My parents

Hubert and Pearl (Harrington) Duerr

2007-09-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

These are the parents of Hellen (Duerr) Carlson. This would be Gini's grandparents

Gustaf and Amand (From) Carlson

2007-09-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

This Gini's Grandparents and the parents of Leonard Carlson